As many of you know, last year, I wrote a blog post concerning my marriage and how I had just recently moved out.

I did it because one – writing has always been a way I process my feelings.  I like to be vulnerable and raw with my experiences, as I live an open book life. In doing some further research concerning my situation, it was also confirmed even more so that sharing would be instrumental in my healing journey.

Two, the kids and I were starting over with pretty much nothing and needed help.  To be honest, it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.  I was in crisis mode, for sure.

And three, I wanted to help and inspire others when it comes to hard but necessary decisions.  Sometimes leaving is absolutely crucial and it’s in that surrender where the Lord truly moves.

Sure.. the post did all the above.  However, if I could go back and not have shared it at all, I would.  It was a bad example to those who “watch” me here on Facebook and do not know many Christians, personally. Even though it was true and wasn’t done in ill will (my hands were shaking for hours after I posted that), it also didn’t protect my husband’s dignity. As I shared in the post, I too was a hot mess. Maybe my issues weren’t to that same degree by the world’s standards, but we are all broken and it’s all the same in God’s eyes.  Plus, if there’s one thing I’ve learned this past year, it’s just how supernatural our world really is behind the curtain.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”

This verse has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I see more with spiritual eyes now than I ever have before and thank God for that because it’s changed my life and even saved my life in many ways.  I plan to share my personal experiences with the supernatural in my next book because my mind is still catching up with the revelations I’ve been given.  My perspective of Christianity has changed and gone to much deeper depths, my theology has been turned completely upside down, the list goes on.  It’s been a lot to take in, to say the least.

Even with what I shared about my marriage – It’s all still so much deeper than meets the eye and no one is in my shoes or sees through my eyes (nor his).  Everything is not for everybody and that is just part of my lesson learned in this.

There are so many things I thought were over in my life… plus buckets of tears cried and a heart full of grief over what I perceived to be “wasted time.” BUT my Heavenly Daddy is a Redeemer, He ‘restores the years the locust have eaten’ and I can now see that this is only the beginning.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who helped with certain things the kids and I needed.  Looking at those items makes me think of you and how deeply grateful I am. So yes, we are still living here and absolutely loving it.  The Lord held my hand all throughout this process sometimes so “tightly” it felt as if He were literally right there with me.  He couldn’t have placed us somewhere more perfect down to every detail – He went before me.  Thank you to those of you who prayed too and went to war with and for my family.  It means more to me than you could ever possibly imagine… to say you got Heaven’s attention would be an understatement. Please keep those prayers coming.

If you’re currently in a toxic marriage or relationship, there’s no better time than now to take refuge under God’s wings.   You simply can’t go wrong with Him and I’ve literally witnessed miracle after miracle this past year proving that the “impossible” in our minds is a piece of cake in His (Matt 19:26).  My eyes are filling with tears even typing this because I know it to be true.

No matter the details of your circumstances, I beg you to pray for your spouse (and for your kids if you have them) … pray like never before.  Fast and fight on your knees, go through deliverance and deal with your own wicked heart.  Then when the devil whispers in your ear that God must not be listening – because he will, rebuke him and pray harder.

That being said, if God says it’s time to go, GO.  You just might be in His way when He’s trying to handle some business that’s actually not your business, although He will deal with you too in your own corner of the room.  There is no telling what He has up His sleeve, nothing is too hard for Him, no matter how dark or ugly the situation is.  In the meantime, you deserve to feel safe and secure, not only physically but mentally and emotionally.  Don’t worry about tomorrow, just take one step at a time.  A lot of people will have (and happily share) their opinions.. some with good intentions, some with bad.  At the end of the day, it’s between you and God. Even if there’s lies told about you or at times you feel alone and like no one understands, rest assured – He does.  Far worse was done to Jesus.  He knows the truth and He’s constantly working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28) – so stand on that and refuse to budge.

If you’re working on things on the other hand, please make sure you’re under a healthy counselor or pastor (I know first hand how pastors especially can do a lot more damage if they aren’t properly equipped to deal with certain situations). Pray for lots of wisdom and discernment when entrusting others with your relationships and lives.

Once again, I apologize for that poor decision and the example it set overall, including a lack of faith on my part. To be honest, I still don’t know what tomorrow holds although it’s looking very promising.  Regardless, it’s all in God’s hands and this past year has His fingerprints all over it so I’m not worried about it.  Now, the focus is simply taking back everything the devil stole from me.

I hope you can understand where I’m coming from and if you don’t, that’s quite alright.  It is well with my soul.

Love you all,

Natasha